Weweechu

Akpos and his Girlfriend were taking a romantic walk down the beach one cold night. Akpos grabbed the girl's hands, drew her closer to himself, kissed her and said, "Baby, you know I love you so much. There's no one here. Its just the two of us, let's do 'WEWEECHU'." 

The girl looked around and said, "My love, I don't want to do 'WEWEECHU' please. Let's just hold hands and cuddle." 

Akpos agreed. 

After a while, Akpos asked her again, "Oh baby, my love, please Let's do 'WEWEECHU'!" 

The girl replied, "Baby, don't rush me. I don't want to do it. I just want to be wrapped in your arms." 

Akpos calmed down.

After a long while, Akpos couldn't hold it any longer. He said, "My heartbeat, it's not fair oh! Let's do 'WEWEECHU' na! We haven't done it since last year oh! Let's do it now now." 

The girl reluctantly agreed. 

Akpos immediately grabbed her closer to himself, hugged her tightly, brought out the guitar strapped to his back and they both start singing, "WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Got you didn't I?! Dirty minds! What were you thinking 'WEWEECHU was? 

Akpors and his wife never fought for 25yrs of their mariage!!! . A friend asked him how he had managed to make it possible.
He narrated, "We went for our Honeymoon in Australia 25years ago, and while riding on a horse, my wife's horse jumped & my wife fell down. She then got up, patted the Horse's back and said 'this is your first time'.
After a while,it happened again. She patted the horse again and said 'this is your second time". The horse did it again the 3rd time, she brought out a gun and shot the horse dead.
I was so shocked and shouted at her, 'Are you crazy!!? What's wrong with you!!? Why did you kill the horse...... She gave me a grave look and said 'THIS YOUR FIRST TIME". Ever since then we have been living very happily

one word for akpos

NICKNAMES OF CARS BY NIGERIAN AND THEIR REAL NAMEs
TOYOTA

Orobo Camry- Toyota Camry 1993-1996
Tiny light/pencil Camry-Toyota Camry 1997-1999
Drop light/envelope-Toyota Camry 2000-2001
Big daddy/big 4 nothing-Toyota Camry 2002-2006
Muscle Camry-Toyota Camry 2007-2011
Corolla sport-Toyota corolla 2003-2008

HONDA
Honda ala- Honda accord 1991-1993
Honda bullet-Honda accord 1993-1998(European version)
Honda bull dog-Honda accord 1994-1997
Baby boy-Honda accord 1998-2002
Adidas-Honda Accord 1998-2002(European version)
End of discussion(EOD)-Honda Accord 2003-2005
Discussion continues(DC)-Honda Accord 2006-2007
Evil spirit/anaconda-Honda accord 2008-2012
----------------------------------------------------------

What kind of car do you drive? Tell us

Akpors and his wife never fought for 25yrs of their mariage!!! . A friend asked him how he had managed to make it possible.
He narrated, "We went for our Honeymoon in Australia 25years ago, and while riding on a horse, my wife's horse jumped & my wife fell down. She then got up, patted the Horse's back and said 'this is your first time'.
After a while,it happened again. She patted the horse again and said 'this is your second time". The horse did it again the 3rd time, she brought out a gun and shot the horse dead.
I was so shocked and shouted at her, 'Are you crazy!!? What's wrong with you!!? Why did you kill the horse...... She gave me a grave look and said 'THIS YOUR FIRST TIME". Ever since then we have been living very happily

U called your girlfriend TO TELL her that u wanna break up ..she started begging u on fone and you tell her to come over to a bar or resturant for u both to discuss.on getting to the resturant,you BOUGHT a bottle of harp for your self and BOUGHT her malt.The discussion continues and you told her again that you just want a break no matter what and that you are tired of

 the relationship,when she hear you saying this again,she started crying and begging you that you should let the relationship continue no matter what but u disagreed and shouted no.

After some minutes you opened your drink and she opened hers too and not long again the girl who has been crying since you told her that you wanna break up turn out to be laughing and very amused and you started wondering what came over her since she has been crying and pleading.

Being so surprised at her laughter and happinness,you asked her why she was laughing and she told you that the malt she opened and which you bought for her has just won her 20 MILLION NAIRA.

IF U WERE TO BE HER GUY WHO HAS BEEN TELLING HER THAT YOU WANT TO BREAK UP,WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO AT THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT?

Mr 419: Hello, how are you?
Me (Akpors): Fine! Pls, who am i speaking with?.
Mr 419: Ha, don't u remember me, who do u know in London dat culd be calling?.
Me (Akpors): (Sensing a scam, i threw in a trap) Frekens! Is dat u?. (To be sincere, i don't know any Frekens in London).
Mr 419: (Thinking it is a break, he swallows the bait) Of course, of course, this is Frekens, i am Frekens, how come u didn't recognise my voice?.
Me(Akpors): (I know it is a scam so i decided to punish him. He had d time dis morning, so i am going to assist him waste his recharge card) Frekens! Chei, you are a bad boy o. Your Father died, you did not even show up or send a letter. Oboy, ur children go pay you back. You no hear of him death, he was so bitter and full of curses for u.
Mr 419: (Obviously subdued) I didn't hear o!. I would have come.
Me(Akpors): Did u hear your Mother had leprosy?. U didn't hear about dat too abi?.
Mr 419: (Now uncomfortable) No, i didn't hear.
Me(Akpors): (Enjoying myself) Na wa o! Your wife foolish too?. I neva hear from her since d two of una marry without our blessings!. If Husband no wise, wife no go wise?.
Mr 419: She is fine! I'm sure she'll get across to u. I have an issue to discuss with u.
Me(Akpors): (Breaking in before the 419 begins his story) Enhen! Frekens, you offend me. I send u money make you buy me Hummer Jeep, u disappear. When am i having my money back?. U want make i curse you like ur Father. I go pronounce wicked curses on you o.
Mr 419: Dis issue dat i want to say is very important.
Me(Akpors): Shut up!. When u go send money come home?. We sent u to school, clothed you & sent u abroad. U don become 419?. Wey won steal from me, ur own friend?. Oboy, ur Father was right to curse you, you can't escape it if u continue like this.
Mr 419: Don't worry, i will repay you ur money. For now, i have an issue to discuss with u.
Me(Akpors): Hahahahaha, look here Mr 419, i no know any Frekens or anybody 4 London, i jus won teach u lesson.
Mr 419: Whaat! Mad man, and you have been insulting me since morning.

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time. She also bought a packet of cookies. She sat down in an armchair, in the
VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and sta

rted reading. When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: “What a nerve! If I was in the mood I would punch him for daring!” For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was infuriating her but she didn’t want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought: “ah… What would this abusive man do now?” Then, the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half. Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now! In a huff, she took her book, her t
hings and stormed to the boarding place. When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched, unopened! She felt so ashamed! She realized that she was wrong… She had forgotten that her cookies were kept in her purse. The man had divided his cookies with her, without feeling angered or bitter. “While she had been very angry, thinking that she was dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself, nor to apologize.”

There are 4 things that you cannot recover:
The stone… after the throw!
The word…after it’s said!
The occasion…after the loss!
The time…after it’s gone.
Cherish Every Moment and Fill It With Love and Care For Everyone.
***Like and Share This with ur Friend***@@@

When i was living close to a cemetery, i used to deceive Okada riders and Taxi drivers. 
I would stop at the cemetery junction and spoke horribly. This scared every rider 
and driver who did not dare ask me for money. I did this for some months and 
successfully deceived every rider and driver who were thinking i was a ghost. 
One evening, i boarded an Okada, as usual, i stopped at the cemetery ju

nction. My money!.
The angry looking Okada Man demanded. I said; I no get money. The Okada Man would not take this from me,
he kept insisting. I became frustrated and said; Ok, ok, follow me make we go my room for cemetery,
make i collect money from there take pay you. The Okada Man agreed and followed me till we got to a grave.
I wanted to scare the Okada Man away so i knocked on the grave and shouted; Ajiri, Ajiri,
abeg give me 800 naira make i take pay this stubborn Okada Man. Suddenly,
a very big hand holding 1,000 naira note appeared out of the grave accompanied with a voice which said;
Take, this na my last card. The Okada Man and i quickly took to our heels.

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Last Friday night which was heavy and rainy, i was walking down a muddy road when a slow moving car came and stopped close to me. Without hesitation, I opened the door, entered it and sat on the front seat. The car started moving slowly, i looked at the driver's seat, there was no driver, i suddenly became shock and afraid. As i was trying to recover from the shock, a hand came from outside and st

arted controlling the steering wheel, i became totally afraid and frozed on the seat. I began praying to God in my heart. As i was praying, the slow moving car approached a corner. I wondered what will happen. The hand came from outside again and steered the car round the corner. I became extremely afraid and then gather mind, opened the door, fell outside, got up, ran to a late night restaurant and ordered for a drink. I sat with the drink in one corner and tried to recover from the shock. As i was drinking my drink, 2 guys with mud all over their body entered the restaurant and ordered for 2 drinks. One of them saw me and shouted; See that guy wey sit down for that corner, na him enter our car when we dey push am.

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5 THINGS INDIAN MOVIES TAUGHT ME

5 THINGS INDIAN MOVIES TAUGHT ME 

(1) One of the identical twins is born evil..! 

(2) While defusing a bomb don't worry which wire to cut,
You will always choose the right one..! 

(3) A Hero will show no pain while getting beaten up, But will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound..! 

(4) A Detective can solve a case only when He is Suspended! 

(5) If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps..

WELCOME TO THE 21ST
CENTURY!!!

Our phones ~ Wireless!

Cooking ~ Fireless!

Cars ~ Keyless!

Food ~ Fatless!

Clothes ~ Sleeveless !

Youth ~ Jobless!

Leaders ~ Shameless!

Relationships ~ Meaningless!

Attitude ~ Careless!

Wives ~ Fearless!

Feelings ~ Heartless!

Education ~ Valueless!

Children ~ Mannerless !

Women ~ Pant-less

Mothers ~ Shameless

Everything is becoming LESS But
still,

Our Hopes are ~ Endless.

Country side where you Live two
cousins got married ...
Sign of End time

Infact, I am speechless

But as this week runs out, Let us not be Penniless

Say AMEN!

SwEeT REvEnGE.

Two high school lovers who went out together for four years in high school were virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginities with each other in 10th grade.

When they graduated, they both wanted to go to the same college but the girl was accepted in a college on the east coast and the guy went to the west coast.

They agreed to remain faithful to each other and spend any spare time they had together.

As time went by, the guy would call the girl but she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to reply the letters.Even when he mailed her, she took days to reply his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him that she was tired of their relationship and wanted to move on.The guy didn't want that so he increased his calls,letters and mails.After a while, she became annoyed, and bcos she now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this : She took a paraloid picture of herself sucking her boyfriend's th*ng and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note saying '' I've found a new boyfriend, Leave me alone! ''.

Well, needless to say, the guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed.So, what he did next was AWESOME.
He wrote on the back of the photo the following :-

'' DEAR MOM AND DAD, HAVING A GREAT TIME IN COLLEGE, PLEASE SEND MORE MONEY '' and mailed the picture to her parent

If U think u're beta than those who didn't pass the
last Jamb Exam, then try these few JAMB left over
questions: Bonus Question: (*) Using Almighty Formula, calculate the diameter of
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Tar (C) Goodnight (D) All of the above. (3): If Nokia is connecting people then what is
blackberry doing (a) stressing people (B)annoying
people, (c) extorting people, (d) destroying people. (4): If Ur X-Boyfriend Wins N100Million Naira In The
GloWINBIG Promo 2 Days After U Broke Up! FIND X! I
Repeat! Find X! (5): If Torres scored two goals last October and
scored two in march, when next will he score? (6): What is blackberry in Yoruba? (7): If Ada is a girl, and Obi is a boy, who is Adaobi? (8): Which university has d highest no of babes dat
travel to dubai for 2weeks and return wif british
accent? (9): What genre of music do mosquitoes sing?
(A)Fuji (B) Juju (C) Hip-Hop (D) Reggae? (10): How many Virgins do we have left in Nigeria? Each question carries equal mark.
Time allowed: 2mins: 47sec

Two days ago, Akpors was pissed off cos his wedding suit trouser is about 2 inches longer.

He told every member of his family about this & was told to relax that everything will be taken care of.

His dad took d trouser to a tailor & one inch was cut off from d trouser.

He hanged it at d former place without alerting anyone.

Everybody wants to make it a surprise for him.

His mother also came to pick d trouser & took it to d tailor without alerting anyone.

Another one inch was cut off & was hanged at d formal place.

His 2 brothers did d same taking off 1 inch each likewise his 3 sisters.

U can imagine how he looked this morning.

LMAO

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT?? What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear.

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said,

"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,

"No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??"

I then said,

"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Husband and wife were having a conversation

HUSBAND :- Honey, I have a big problem at work.My......

'' Wife cuts him short ''.

WIFE :- Baby, I hate it when you use the word '' I ''.....Don't say bcos you and i are two seperate human beings then u have every right to detach yourself from me......We are married now so ur problem is my problem.....Learn to realise we are together now.......Instead of saying I have a problem at work, I'll love u to say We have a problem at work, pls.

HUSBAND :- Ok honey, But our problem is that our secretary in the office is pregnant for us.

Conversation between akpos and his mom

LOL.....................

( Conversation between akpos and his mom ).

AKPOS :- Mummy, I hear say grandma don die.

SHE REPLIED :- Na ur mama go die idiot!!!

Three drunk men

Three drunk men stopped a taxi.

The driver noticed they were heavily drunk as he opened the door for them to enter.

Wanting to play a trick on the drunk men to make fast money, he started the engine, turned it off, and said '' We have arrived at ur destination sirs ''.

The First drunk man gave him his money, the second drunk man said '' Thank u '' while the third drunk man gave him a hot dirty slap.The driver was surprised.

Thinking the third guy has realized what he did, the driver asked '' What was the slap for? ''.

The third drunk man replied '' CONTROL UR SPEED NEXT TIME.U ALMOST GOT US KILLED

LAUGH IT OUT

LAUGH IT OUT AND ADD YOURS

Wetin concern Okada with seatbelt?

Wetin concern Patience Goodluck with English?

Wetin concern alaba market with public holiday?

Wetin concern dead body with coffin money?

Wetin concern pregnant dog with anti-natal?

Wetin concern Vulture with Ghana weaving?

Wetin concern Pig with make up?

Wetin concern Reverend sister with family planning?

Wetin concern dog with condom?

Wetin concern orphans with yo momma's joke?

Wetin concern goat with manicure?

Wetin concern Tottenham with Trophy?

Wetin concern Mad man with ID card?